2009

Let us go down to memory lane shall we? I particularly love doing that. The past seems so good, present seems too real, future simply seem scary. The past is always a good place to go when I'm feeling lonely. They say to never look back, keep moving forward. I don't 100% agree with that statement. Mainly because, whatever mistakes we had made in the past or whatever rights we've done in the past, must somehow be remembered. Why? It's simple. Not to make the same mistakes again and to remind you what goods you've done in the past.(So you won't feel so shitty about your presence self. LOL) Listening to all the songs I used to listen repeatedly during the year 2009, it somehow brought back all these good memories. Let's see. A LOT has happened during that year. As I recall, one of the highlights of my high school years. From getting my heart broken, getting shitty results, school dramas between classes, canteen day, friend leaving to penang, farewells, PMR, being rebelous, AMC idol, falling in love again, falling out of love, love at first sight, performances, trips with best friends... Yup. A LOT has happened during that year. Music Class, my favourite memory of all. We fooled around during most of our music class(Girls just tryin' to have fun). How we fight for every first(Our class teacher was Ms Yau). Ms Yau turned out to be this teacher we were so afraid of at first to the teacher we enjoyed being around with. Everytime when there's a hit song on radio(POP music used to be the shit back then), we will just sing that song for the whole day. Sometimes when the class is totally in silent(we were all stressed up studying for PMR), one of the classmastes will start singing a song and the rest will join in, one by one. After finishing the song, all of us will just laugh and cheer. Back then, I thought to myself "This will be the best class I've ever had." Turns out to be totally true. It was indeed the best class ever. Although there's a lot of different groups in our class, when it comes to class problem, we were very united. That explains why most of the classes hated us back then. Mainly because we were always living in our own world(True story). Enemies were made, Trus friends were found. It was indeed a memorable year. This probably sounded silly but I will never let go of all the memories I had during that very year. Let's just say this will be one of the stories I will be telling my children. Good stories are meant to be passed down aren't they? Till next time. JTL=)

1st of April;)

Oh Hai! It's April Fools! On this April Fools, surprisingly I don't feel like pranking nobody. I know. This is the only day when you can act foolishly without paying the consequences. For me, I've been starting to feel like this is just another ordinary day in life. Everyday, something is learnt. Life is a learning process. From the people you hang out with, You learn something from them. The goods and the bads. Trust. A huge component in life. Responsibility. A part of life. Whatever you do today, you have to pay the consequences tomorrow. Most of the time, before I start doing something really foolish, I ask myself. Will I let my future children do this when they were at my age? If the answer is no, it stops me from doing so. I once asked my mother, "Why do you let me drive in KL? Aren't you scare?" She replied,"Trust. I trust you. I trust that you will be careful and you will not do anything dangerous to harm yourself. I trust you for being capable to take care of yourself over there. I trust you not to let me worry and your main priority right now shoud be on your studies." Trust. She trust me. That makes me feel relief. Confidence level boosted up. In five years time, I don't want myself to look back and feel ashame of myself. That will be the last thing I want to do to myself. For a girl who once suffer from depression only because she doesn't look pretty and ideal enough for the society, I don't ever want to feel that way again. That phase of life was the shittiest I've ever felt about myself. It's okay to have fun and party once in awhile. I mean, c'mon. Everyone deserves some time off with whatever they are doing in life right? For me, I actually love going to rave party. EDM, TRANCE, HOUSE...Music where you don't need tequila to get high. It was last year when I discovered EDM. Never imagined myself falling madly with music like this(I used to hate remix musics). Calling(Lose My Mind) by Sebastian Ingrosso, the song that makes me fall for EDM. Everything changes after that. Never knew that music like this makes me happy, makes me feel so alive. "ELECTRONIC MUSIC IS TAKING ON, BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH" - WILL.I.AM Oh look what have I done again. Jumping topics here and there. Think it's time to stop don't you? Happy April fools peeps. JTL=)

Where will we be five years later?

So yesterday, Jo Ern and I went to the airport to send a dear friend of ours off - Snoopy Teng Jo Ee.
I hate goodbyes(as usual) but at the same time, I am extremely happy for her.
In case you don't know, she's going to Korea to further her studies.
She used to be my classrep/desk mates. Look what have become of her.
A grown up(not exactly grown up grown up) lady ready to go out there and create her own bright, success future.
I know she's gonna be someone successful.
My sixth sense tells me that. I'm extremel proud of her.=)

Sending her off got me wondering, "Where will we be five years later?", "Will we be able to meet again?", "Will we ever lose contact?".
I know we are in the 21st century right now.
But hey, anything could happen right?
What if we never get to see each other again?(Which I doubt it would happen.)
What will all of us become five years later?
I mean, most of us are already in their UNIs already.
Probably we'll be done with UNI's, all ready to come out to the society for work?
The future seems so bright yet so scary.
It's an unknown.

Thought about this question for the whole day(which kinda leads me to tear) and I still don't have an answer to it.
Maybe five years later I could blog about where all we are by then.
That would be something amazing, right?=D
Till then, just live your current life to the fullest alright?
You're only this young today as you'll be a day older tomorrow.

Oh! Enjoy the chinese song below. It plays a big role in my high school life.
Memories flashing across my mind everytime I listen to it.
Ah! Memories.





Xoxo
JTL=)

Once upon a time, far far away...

"Once upon a time, there was a girl, and there was a boy. Cannot be anymore obvious.
They were best friends.
Like every other cliche stories, stuff happens.
The girl secretly fell for the boy.
The boy was clueless.
The girl decided not to tell.
If she does so, she was afraid it would ruin the friendship they were having now.
After months of keeping her feelings to herself, the boy finally knew.
He, despite of everything, wanted to remain their friendship just the way it was.
The girl knew it all along this would happened and pretty much wanted the same thing.
She knew it was hard, to undo feelings.
She's been there.
Yet, she fell into it, leaving her in total helpless.
Fighting this guilt/feelings was like a battle with herself.
"I am about to lose my best friend!" That's what she thought.
One night, with everything that was streessing her out the whole week and emotionally uncontrolled, she burst.
Burst out on him.
He was as stubborn as she was.
They argued, which she thought was the end of their friendship.
It was hurtful, she knew.
But it will be more hurtful to have him pretending her feelings toward him was fake.
They stopped contacting each other ever since.
Not one of them was willing to make the first move to reconcile.
Both of them were pretty stubborn people..." - 19/1/2013

A beautiful friendship could end up pretty badly with every possible way there is in the world. All of the sudden, you felt like a total stranger to the person whom you shared years of friendship with. You've been forced to acknowledge stuff you didn't know about the person before. The most hurtful part about losing a friend was never just losing a friend. It was knowing so much about a person but you couldn't be friends anymore because ego and pride were in the way.
Ego, Pride.
Sometimes, they mess up people's lives.

JTL

2012, Great year? Yes? No? What about 2013?

Every year, when the year is almost coming to an end, I will sit down and reminise everything I've gone through the year. This year is certainly no exception.

Just by wondering how afraid I was to go to college in the beginning of the year(I also bought a book entitled "How to communicate with people" just to calm my nerves) makes me laugh. Now, I fit into college just fine. So, Let's take a moment to talk about the peak and the pits of my 2012.

The peak? Well, I certainly don't know where to start. The one thing I am truly grateful throughout the year was having a stronger family bond. I love how much they love and care about me. They may seem like they don't, but secretly they do. A lot. My brother expecially. How I wish I have a little brother too. So that my brother could have a little buddy to play with, to love and to care for. Just like me and my sister. Oh how far did I drift to. Anyways, the other thing I am grateful for about this year was finally knowing what to do with my life. This question has been bugging me for 2 years and I am so happy I got it all figured out. Also, I am really happy to have met so many new people in my life. People I never knew that could mean so much to me. Amazing friendship was born and remained strong. Also the old ones. High school has been more than wonderful to me. I have the most amazing friends and teachers by my side. So I am really thankful for still having another year of friendship remained with them. Some has become hi-bye friends. Still, those were some pretty deep freindship before hi-bye friends. So I am indeed very happy with where my life at right now.

The pits would be losing my grandma. That, nothing could top that up. Not in this year. It's never easy to lose someone who meant so much to the whole family. Still, her passing away has been a relieve for all of us. She has been suffering so long. It's time for her to finally have a peace of mind. I love her and I always will. She will always be in my heart. Now that she's with grandpa, I am indeeed very happy for her. To finally be freed from all the pain she was suffering. ="). Also, the pits of the year would be being robbed, feeling insecure, not fitting in, not feeling good enough, blinded by love and all sorts of crap that happened this year. Still, I am standing here, in one piece. The pits force you to grow, to overcome the barrier, to learn life, understand it and live it to the very fullest. So I want to thank god for planning all the unexpected shits that happened to me. It was a wake up call for me. A wake up call for me to grow up. Now, don't you ever think that I've grown into a mature and good human being. No. Growing up does not and will never stop. It's a live long process.

Okay. I'll stop talking about whatever that had happened this year. As all of you would know through reading my previous posts. =)

Let's talk about resolutions then.
2013. A year I foresee I will fall in love with.
2013 resolutions:
1. Finishing A levels with the results I wish and work hard for.
2. Getting into IMU. My priority of the year.
3. Meeting new people.=)
4. Travel around the world with people I simply adore.
5. Live a healthy lifestyle.
6. To love and cherish my friends and family, always and forever.
7. To love and to be loved. It's a two-way thing.
8. Enjoy the things I am truly passionate about such as dancing, scrolling through the net finding great music and also planning and managing things and life.
9. To learn and to grow up in any problems that may seem insolvable at first.
10. To live my life. A very important resolutions in everybody's life.=)

So, I've got most of my 2013 figured out already. Have you? Don't be upset about your resolutions or the things you wanted so badly for not working out. Remember, when a door closes, another door opens. And I am not saying that just to please you or "it's a pretty damn good quote". I am saying this because it is true. Law of Attraction. Always remember and believe in it. Cause It's real.

Before I sign off this blog post, I want to sincerely wish everyone a Happy New Year! May your 2013 be ever in your favor.=D

JTL xoxo;)

End of the world

So, the past few weeks had been rather interesting. Done lots of stuff which I've never done before/too timid to do. After all, They say the world is gonna end soon. When it comes to the topic of end of the world, I particularly do not believe it. If you ask me three years back then, I might have said "Yes. I do believe the world is gonna end". Right now, three years later, I grew mature. That's why I said no. There are a few reason why I don't believe the world is going to end soon.
1. I particularly believe in Buddha. Buddhism is my religion. I believe my living time in this world depends on him. If he is ready to take me back home, then I believe my time is up. So, I don't believe I'm gonna die with the earth colliding into the sun or whatever theory there is.
2. I believe I was Born with a purpose. I'm not gonna die because the end of the world. I'm gonna finish what I am supposed to do. Only will I be able to leave this world.
3. This world is so beautiful most of the people are too busy to realize. Once my teacher told me, "No matter how busy you are. Look up to the sky sometimes. You'll be amazed how by just one look, all your problems or troubles will be gone." If you don't mind, try it. Simply by just lifting your head up.
4. I wanna graduate from university. Meet my future husband, fall madly in love with him and marry him. Give birth to my babies. Let my parents have the opportunity to Be grandparents. I wanna live life. The whole course. No short cuts.
5. It's been proven the world is not going to end this year. By NASA or whatever operation they are having over there in the USA. People just need something to look forward to. Just like 12 years ago when we are approaching the year 2000. People said we can't make it. And here I am, writing this post.
Conclusion is, instead of worrying about the end of the year, why not enjoy life while you can. After all, life is too short for you to be worrying about your life instead of living one.

One of those sleepless night

Have you ever come across some questions about life in your mind when you listen to some particular song? I bet most of you do. While I was listening to songs of a band named Parachute, I thought about life. Life. People tend to question about life regularly. Why is that so? Cause let's admit it, life is worse that trying to figure out some new found species in some part of the earth. It is tougher than the job of a scientist, harder Than diamond. This complication, often, some people chose to live by it. While some of it chose to run away from it. A little amount of them chose to end it. Those people are simply dumb. Being alive everyday is a luxury in some unruled country. Imagine what are they going through. Probably 10 times worse than what you are feeling now. So stop trying to feel sorry for yourself, for the life you had chose to lead, to live. Once you've chosen it, never regret. YOLO stands for You Only Live Once. Everyone has their own definition of YOLO. Mine was rather simply. Do all the things that you will one day regret not doing. In other words, do not ever regret what you do. Everything you do, every action of yours comes with a purpose. If you regret, then "Unregret" it by doing something right in whatever condition you are in. Always make the right choice. That's my YOLO definition. Some people thinks by spending a lot of money, they get to experience YOLO. Truth is,you don't need all the money in the world to do YOLO stuff. All you need is a perspective. A pretty good one. A goal, an achievable yet challenging one. Live. Life. Love. That is life. Simple, yet hard to achieve and manage.

Admitting failure. Yes? No?

Honestly speaking, I am very afraid. I may not look like it but deep down inside, I am very afraid of a lot of stuff. Putting on a strong face In front of people was my specialty(couldn't say it was a specialty either). At least they wouldn't know my weakness(afraid) and use it against me. I know you might think that I over thought things but I'm pretty damn serious. For example, as everyone might know, I drive recklessly on the road. There are a few times when I almost bumped into people's car. They(my friends) would shout at me. I turned to them and say "I got it. Don't shout." My face would remain calm. For a minute or so. If the person sitting next to me is my close friend, I would be like "damn. I am so scare just now". Cause they know me. If not, I probably would start another conversation and pretend that nothing happened. Y'all would probably be wondering what and why am I afraid of. The answer is simple. Life. They said life should be interesting and fun yet dangerous. What I am afraid was MY life. What If it wouldn't turn out the way I want it to be? What if I fail? I don't wanna fail. Being a failure suck. I want to be on average and above. I would never want myself to settle for anything less than that. Sometimes, I looked at my brother and I amazed him. FYI, he is going to University of Queensland next year for his dental twinning program. As for twinning program, lots of stuff need to be settled. He happened to have to retake his iELTS because his last one expired. So he did. UQ has really particular requirement. So my brother retake the test. His writing part was less that 0.5(imagine that. 0.5 only). So he retake again. I lost count on how many times did he retake. At one point, I overheard him telling my mum how strict is the exam system and he feel like going to some other place to retake. Mum did ask him to retake for the very last time, since he paid the fees. So he did. This time, he finally got what he wanted. Better. I am so proud of my brother like seriously. He accept failure and he tried again and again And again. Until he get what he wanted. I don't think I will be able to do that you know. Not yet. I don't have that strength yet. Cause I still fear failure. I can never accept failure. It would crush me. Although I act like I don't care all this while, but for some certain things, I actually did care. More than you could ever imagine. Trying again is hard. Admitting you fail, it's even harder.

One of those PMS days.

What the fuck is wrong with people nowadays? They think they know one word(Which everyone thinks it's cool to say it because it's fresh in the society plus they just learnt it recently) and they have to say it often. "Bo Jio", for hokkien people, this was no new words to them. I have no comment on everyone saying Bo Jio. But why do people overuse it like seriously? It really is fun saying it once or twice. But when you add in "Bo Jio" into EVERY sentence you're saying, listen carefully what i'm about to say next. IT IS FUCKINGLY FUCKING ANNOYING. This specially goes to those who seriouly do not give a fuck about my life and haven't been doing any good to me people. To people which we were not that close and have never been crossing path for a long long time,I know we haven't seen each other for awhile. So what's the first thing you ARE supposed to say to me when you meet me? If you are POLITE enough, you would give me a hug and say "I haven't been seeing you around. Where have you been?" stuff like that. So, in this case, this particular person did not give me a hug or whatsoever. Instead, he shouted "Wah! Bo Jio!!!" to me and my friends for more than 5 times. Hello, fucktard, are we close? FUCKING NO. So why are you fucking acting like you are? And do i have the obligation to jio you everytime i come back to ipoh?(I would be extremely busy if I do so.) Plus who are you to me? I don't even consider you as my friend like seriously. We're just people who had cross path. I could publicly humiliate you. But It would be a total waste of my energy on a douchebag like you. So why don't you go back to your little cage and never come out. After all, I've seen a much bigger world than you do. So, the next time you saw me, dont act like you care. Don't even say hi. Cause that would probably be pointless. Fuck you annoying ass. I am not referring to anyone specific in this content. but if the shoe fits, No fucking body is stopping you from wearing it. Peace out.

In-Laws

Just one of the many mornings chilling infornt of the tv with kakak(my grandma's-and-now our maid). The story she told me about grandma was rather shocking. I realized how ungrateful some people are when it comes to in-laws. Never treat your in-laws the way you wouldn't want your children's future spouse to treat you. Treat them the way you treat your spouse. Love them the way you love your husband/wife. I relly don't get it every time I read the news paper, I found out someone mistreat their in laws. Abandoned them on the streets or simply put them in an old folks home. That really makes me frustrated and also sad. The society has indeed come to a state where they forgot how to appreciate people/stuff. Materialistic. That's what people nowadays are like. I admit, sometimes I'm also a tinie tiny bit materialistic. Buying all the things I need but not really necessary. Yea. The society has somehow changed me too. But once you realize your problems, you fix it. Not leave it aside. Who is going to fix you if you don't even know or want to fix yourself? The point I am telling you here is when you marry someone, you marry the whole family too. You love the person. That shouldn't be a problem loving his/her family. After all, they raised the person you married. They did such a good job on it. You should be thankful. Living with your in laws is no easy Job. This, I agree(even tho I am no where near a married man). Cause you would always want some personal time with your own family. Put an agreement with them. Maybe you'll get the best of both worlds. Some in laws are quite demanding. Treat them right and they'll turn around. The easiest way to make them love you? Smile, treat them with sincerity, make them feel appreciated. I think the reason why in laws seems to be so scary at first, the way they acted how they act is because they are looking out for their children. They, like any other parent in the world would want the best for their own children. Like they said,"Mother knows best". In this case, "In-laws knows best". My last piece of advice? Treat them like how you treat your parents. Be loving and just be yourself. After all, this world needs more love and less hatred among people.

Little Things and every other things

On a perfect sunday morning, something hit me. A pretty good thing actually. I've been feeling really insecure about myself for the past few months. It got pretty serious I actually went into depression for quite a couple of times. As some of you who has been following up, you'd probably acknowledged it. I also make a promise to get better, to love myself more and to feel good in my own skin. Still wondering what hit me? Confidence. Yes. Confidence. I felt it. I was just standing infont of the mirror that very morning, and for the first time in a very long time, I like what I saw. It definitely made my day, just by looking at the mirror. So, you're probably wondering what did I do to make me feel good about myself. First of all, let me just say I've got a whole bunch of great supportive friends and family who's always encouraging me, telling me I'm good enough for them and for myself. A massive thank you to all of you. I truly appreciate all your support and words of encouragement. Second of all, I fell in love with the idea of living a healthy lifestyle. They say if you don't like anything about yourself, change. Make changes. Be the change. So I changed everything. I eat real healthy food.(Say no to process food and Can food. Buy fresh food. It taste better and sure as hell more healthier.). I make sure I'm on the treadmil at least 3 times per week. And fruits. Eat some everyday. It's good for your body(immune system. They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away). Next up, I wear clothes that makes me feel pretty. (Do not overdo it by wearing little clothes. That makes you shady and not sexy. Dress up for special occasions and not for the society.). Practically, my lifestyle had changed. It was not until I noticed how healthy I'd become. I am not skinny nor slim. That was never my goal. I never wanted to be skinny. My goal was to become healthy and fit. Fit. Yes. It is definitely better than skinny. If you google the pros and cons of being fit and skinny, trust me, Fit would have more pros than skinny. That is a big fat truth. It doesn't take a scientist to figure out that part. I am not saying that I feel totally good about myself but I'm still working on it. They say baby steps right? To all the girls out there who feel insecure about yourself(I believe there's a lot of insecure girls around the world), you do not need society's approval to tell you you're beautiful. You do not need a guy to love you to feel loved. Look around. You are surrounded by so many less fortunate people you don't even know. They feel good about themselves by having so little in their lives. And you have everything. You've got families, friends and so much more. If you don't like the way you look,CHANGE IT(Plastic surgery not encouraged over here).Until you become the person you love, never stop improving yourself. Oh! The last way to boost up your self confidence, listen to ONE DIRECTION's songs. I started really listening to every single one of their songs when I was at my lowest depression moment. And boy look what have I got myself into. Most of their songs are practically telling all the girls out there they are beautiful and they are loved. It definitely helped me a lot.(NO JOKING!) Yes I AM A DIRECTIONER and yes I LOVE THEM.<3 Today, another latest single of theirs is released. It's called "LITTLE THINGS" written by ED SHEERAN sang by ONE DIRECTION. That song had probably boost up a million girls'confidence. Most of them (including myself) who's insecure find themselves relating to the song So much. It almost brought me to tears when I first heard the song. I just wanna say anyone would be lucky to date ED. Cause his words are so beautiful it swept me off my feet. To end this post, I present you "Little Things" by ONE DIRECTION! KUDOS.=D

The purpose of twitter

Stumbled upon twitter(as always) and got myself asking why did I sign up for twitter at the first place. Then I remembered. See there's this young boy from Canada who appeared to be really cute back then. Just to get closer to him(stalking pretty much), I went to www.twitter.com and got myself an account. The teenage boy who was also at the age as me was Justin Drew Bieber. Those were the days when not much people knew about twitter.(they were still pretty hyped about Mark's creation - Facebook). Once the late Steve Jobs announced the iPhone 3(when the denisty of Smart Phone started), number of people using twitter were increasing tremendously. Till now, billions have twitter account. So, I was pretty much addicted to twitter back then(2010 to be exact). I could tweet more than 100 tweets per day. That was before my friends joined twitter. It was pretty fun,talking to myself and of course stalking Hollywood celebrities.(Guess that was the main reason why I am so western-Ish). As 2012 came by, more and more of my friends joined twitter. I became less expressive.(Okay, y'all probably say otherwise). Still, I quitted talking to myself on twitter, expressing every little bit of my emotions on twitter. Instead, I started retweeting more often. Cause those words are not directly from you. You retweet means that you agree with that person's saying or he/she wrote exactly what's on your mind. I've never privatized my twitter account before. Not even once for the pass 3 years. Cause I was secretly hoping that my idols(such as Bruno mars) would retweet my tweets.(it means that I got noticed. Yayers! Still, that never happened). Lately, I find the need to do so. Apart of it was I am quite tired of exposing my personal life to strangers. Another thing was I decided to do a friend cleansing. Deleting numbers of people who used to be friends with me, unfollowed people who no longer matters to me... I felt the need to do so cause let's admit it, Most of my friends aren't really my friends. Till now, there's only a few people who I truly classified as friends. Those who will put down whatever they are doing just to help you get out of real trouble. Real trouble as in nothing regarding to "relationship problems". Guess when you're living away from your family, that's the time you truly see the ones who'll be there for a long time and those who won't. My rules are pretty simple. You treat me right,I'll treat you even better. You treat me wrong, you'll see the worst of me trying to take you down. After all, this is the world where there's a need to protect yourself whenever and wherever you are. Kudos!xoxo Junyi

Death and relief

Once again, I am forced to say goodbye. The fear of losing someone so dearly to me has never fade since grandpa passed away.
This time, it's grandma's turn. Yes. She left us. I was devastated when I heard the news from mum. Misbelief, shocked... All the emotions came rushing in my mind. I didn't even say the last goodbye. The last goodbye I said to her was two months ago when I went back to Penang to visit her. That was before trials. Two months. Passed by like that. She has been weak Since she fell down last year. Parkinson was getting really severe. Massive weight loss was obvious. She had problem digest any food. The amount of food she eats was extra small portion. As I sat down and memories of her was recalled back, I cried. Cause it was memorable. It was my childhood. We used to spend every school holiday with both grandpa and grandma. Every single one. As years passed by, their health became an important concern to the family. At the beginning of 2011,they were still healthy. We had so much fun on that CNY. That was the last CNY we celebrated together as a complete family. As far as I could recalled, the best CNY I had.
Soon, I sank myself into the fact, accepting the fact that she's gone. After accepting the fact, I actually felt relief for her. She finally freed herself from the pain she's suffering. The amount of pain she suffered, by looking at it, you'll feel sad. She's gone to a better place, living a better life. She's probably with grandpa now. Apart of me thought that she actually chose this day to go. Cause it was so close to the date(Chinese) when grandpa left us last year. Maybe she misses him.
Ah regrets. Yes. Due to AS finals, I can't really send my grandma away on Tuesday. That would be the biggest regret of all.
Guess as we grow up, we have to learn how to cope with death, emotions and a lot of stuff. Death was simply unavoidable. As we grow up, our parents and grandparents are growing old too. This cycle of life, it's amazing yet saddening isn't it?
阿嬷，我永远会记得那些我们一起度过的美好时光。你解脱了。从痛苦中解脱了。在西方那儿，过个美好的生活。安息了，我敬爱的阿嬷。

First impression

Basically what I wanted to highlight in this post has something to do with first impression. According to wikepedia, In psychology, a first impression is the event when one person first encounters another person and forms a mental image of that person. It can sometimes form an accurate representation of the person, depending on the observer and the person being observed. I've got to admit. I do not show much of my personality when you first met me. I tend to put on a serious face just so you would never have the chance to take advantage of me. As taking advantage means finding my flaws and use it against them. That's how insecure I feel. That's how protective I am towards myself. Guess I've got lots to learn yet. The truth is, I am always afraid to meet new people. Always. Before college even started, I actually went to the bookstore and bought a book entitled "How to communicate with someone". Yea. That actually sound pretty stupid. Once, there's this friend of mine told me,"Never give in your all when you first met someone. If you are fun, don't show it on the first day you make new friends. Reason why is if you show it your all,they tend to find your flaws really soon. As quick as you show them everything about you. So always save it. Let them get to know you themselves. This kind of friendship actually last longer than those who get really close on the first day of school/college or whatever." I have few experiences on my own. From what i get, most of my friends said that I am not an easy wall to break down when they first met me. And look where we are now? Most of them, I became best friends with. Those whom I get really close on the first day we met doesn't seem to be my best friends for a very long time. As soon as I found flaws, I distanced myself with them and vice versa. When it comes to meeting new people, I still have a lot to learn. This is just a little piece of experience I would like to share with all of you. Till now, the first impression of people about me will still be either a girl who has confidence or a girl who is cool. I intend to change and upgrade myself soon. Xoxo. :)

Flaws being exposed

So much of stuff happened today I have to blog about it. Blogging has become my little personal diary. Never knew someone would actually read it. I used to write for people to read, To get a little piece of my life. Now, I write for myself. Sometimes, old school is still the best. Twitter is way too crowded and people tend to judge, way more compare to 2009. So I was starting my usual routine at Starbucks with my classmates today. Just as I was about to finish the 4th question of my Maths, Win Meng asked me if I am free for a moment. I thought he was just gonna ask me some questions or even share a funny video with me. Instead of a funny video, a more of a serious video popped out on the screen. It was a confession to me. Don't get me wrong. Not that kind of "I like you" confession. An apology confession. He apologized for making fun of my appearance. For making fun of me at public and all those stuff. He told me he knew about my insecurities problem and told me I am beautiful and all those. Even sang "Just the way you are" to me. I was more at a state shocking rather than being touched. Cause first of all, I was shocked why he'd know so much about me. Things that I don't present to people in college. Things that I rather sometimes keep to myself. All those stuff have suddenly been published to the public. Felt Kind of humiliated at first. But then, he was just trying to help. He figured out my problems. Not much people would do a video for me telling me I'm beautiful and not to worry so much about appearance. But he did. Instantly,most of my classmates started to acknowledge this problem of mine. A problem I'd never tell them. Cause I don't really think that my problem is a problem to the others. It's me who's having this kind of problem. So no point go and burden other people with my problems which I don't think that is a problem to them. I was really shocked when they actually came around me and consulted me. I don't know how many times have they told me I am beautiful. Lots of people told me I'm beautiful today. Just to boost up my confidence. They asked me what I don't like about myself. I told them. It's the legs. Now all of them know. Part of me think that the weak side of mine has been magnified instantly. Ker Xuan said the first time she met me,she thought I was a girl full of confidence. She never knew how lack of confidence I was. That was just stuff I wanted people to believe. I want to project this kind of image to people. Therefore I acted out. They say I'm a really good actress. Even when I'm facing the person I like, I acted Normal. Not wanting to let him know I have any feelings more that friends for him. That's me. I want people to see the best side of me. I never wanted to burden anyone with unnecessary problems of mine. Cause I don't think most of them care and I don't think they have the time for my problems. My problem was never about relationship with anyone. Relationship was never my concern since 2010 passed. My problem is simple yet it could be made complicated by my own self. It's a constant battle with myself. The negative minded Junyi versus the positive minded Junyi. I poured out most of my problems to them today. Telling them how I was not Ballet teacher's favorite just because this pair of legs, how I get stares from strangers, how I assumed stuffs that's probably not true at all, how I assumed i did Badly in MY paper 3 that would probably pull down my marks and broke down because mr bala emphasized and confirmed my assumption towards myself. They tod me to face the problem. I did. I did face it. I did workout everyday. I did do cardio. I didn't tell them this because I am scare of judgement. So I kept it to myself. I am a person who is Said to be opened to all sorts of judgements from all different kind of people. But truthfully, I fear it. I thought of how people think about me. All of you told me about your experience of having low self esteem. The problem is I wouldn't change within seconds just because you told me your experience. You experienced it. I haven't. I'm in the process of experiencing it. Believe me when I say I'm working on it. By how I wouldn't tell. You'll see it when I Succeed. Tomorrow you'll see the same old me. The me that decided not to talk about this issue with anyone. You might say I am stubborn or avoiding the problem. That's neither me. That's me putting what's most important infront of me right now and that's the finals. Trust me. Just trust me. I'm in the process of getting better. Thank you to all who'd comforted and consulted me today. And win Meng, thanks for the video. :). Oh and Ker Xuan, I know you have problems that's quite similar to mine too. I'll wait for the day when you decided to tell me. :). Love you. Junyi

Anorexic or obese

Have you ever come across this question? "Would you rather be anorexic than be obese? Would you rather die because you're too skinny than being overweight?" If you ask me, yes I have come across this question. Indeed, many times. My answer would be neither. If I really HAVE to choose between those two, I'd probably die fat rather being skinny. At least I wouldn't die uglily. You would probably be saying, "You rather be beautiful and fat than skinny." Yea. Why not? Skinny doesn't mean you are beautiful. And certainty fat doesn't mean you're ugly. Sometimes, the society is constantly inputting you mind with the idea of being skinny is beautiful. All the models, all the commercials, all the actresses... Yea. They are beautiful. But they are not skinny nor fat. They stay fit. Fit and healthy. That's the ultimate key towards a beautiful physical appearance. If you'd noticed, no fashion designer would want to see a model suffering from anorexic to be on their runway. Too skinny leads to an unhealthy lifestyle. Appearance wise too. There's this case I'd like to share as an example. Yesterday, I was watching a tv show with my mum. The show was about critically talented judges finding hidden talents around the world. So we came across a dancer. A talented beautiful dancer. She has some really great curves. My mum noticed that and instantly commented on her legs. She said she has huge legs. I corrected her,"No. She has strong legs. Strong muscular legs that help her to shine on stage". This society is being way too judge mental. They don't really know the story. Yet they could judge like they know that person very well. Of course, everybody has their own definition of beautiful. Mine would be staying fit, being healthy and apart of that, being kindhearted. Have great moral values within yourself. Be a beautiful person in and out. That's my definition of beautiful. Junyi.

Perspective of life.

Started off my Saturday morning by exercising with Voon wooi. As we were doing some cardio around Clearwater, I noticed a man was running the same route as us too. During my final lap, he smiled at me and ask me to keep going on and do not give up. I was like "okay" and I gave a friendly smile back as a sign of thank you. He looked like he's around his forties, tanned skin and a physically strong man. After our final lap, we went to the gym and continue our routine with treadmills and some gym equipments. After about an hour, I finished my routine and was cooling myself down.The very same man was lifting weight too. He approached me by asking whether am I a student or not. I was like yea. Told him about A levels and Taylor's. After knowing me as a student, he introduced himself as a dentist. I was thrilled! Cause there might be a chance he know my parents. But no. When I brought up my parents name, he hasn't got a clue. I was even more excited and thought to myself "Finally! A dentist who doesn't know my parents." He told me he works in the hospital, mostly for government. Asked him how's life of a dentist. He said he travels a lot to treat his patients, mostly Parkistan and Israel. My jaw dropped. "Wow!" I told myself. I actually got to meet a dentist who doesn't work locally. I was amazed. He continued by telling me he took up flying academy too. As flying, I meant by flying an aircraft. A bloody aircraft. Double awesome. A dentist and a pilot. He said he found by only being a dentist is way too boring. From his appearance, I can tell he's a really active person. He told me he wouldn't feel right not running laps and working out for a day. So he told me about his experience around the world. He even got the chance to learn operating a gun. All sorts of guns. You name it he has touched it. He told me he has a thing for guns and actually got the chance to learn more about it during one of his trips to Parkistan. As he kept talking about his life experience, which was AMAZING, he told me about the states. His wife is from the states, so practically his home is at the states. There's something about this man. As if god sent him to me so I could get to know about life, understand life a little bit more. Just a few days ago, Amanda asked me what's my perspective of life everyday. I was stunned actually. Cause I actually don't know how to answer her. I said,"Right now? Be prepared for The finals." She asked again," what about after A levels?" "Going into the field of dentistry I guess". That's what I thought. I replied,"I would watch and find some amazing songs to listen and do things I like such as editing videos and putting up amazing videos." That's My answer to her question. But this question actually bugged me for a few days. When I was little, I used to ask my mother why Is there a need for us to work? She said," to live, to survive, to earn money." To just live. So there's a need for us to study right now. To be able to support ourselves. You can't depend on your parents forever. So right now, you got to be able to learn skills and learn how to survive in this world. A lot of growing up needs to be done in the process of reaching the final goal. After you learn how to support yourself and are able to support yourself, then what to do from there? Are you gonna just work all day long? No! After that, color your life by meeting people and Always learn. From every person you meet in life, you learn a little something from them. Just like the man I met just now, he got the bachelor. He works as a dentist. By making his life a little bit more interesting and adventurous, he took up some other skills. Life isn't just about studying or working only. There's more to life. Don't always complaint about life's boring and there's nothing for you to do. God created this world. Go explore it. Back to the man, he travels a lot. He could tell you about the states, china, Parkistan, Israel, Arab... Just about any place. To all the youngsters, what you're gonna do now is complete your basic. Study hard and of course play equally hard as well. Always stay active. Meet more people. Once you've completed university and you actually have the ability to support yourself and your family, don't stop there. Step out from your comfort zone. Think out of the box. Do something interesting. Go for an adventurous trip or even better, go achieve your dreams. Dreams you couldn't achieve just because reality says no. Go live your life to the fullest. You never know when your life will come to an end. Might as well take count every second of your living years. For those who are already working in the community and you somehow find your life dull and boring, like I said. Stay active. And just live life. This world is so beutiful and there're still so much for you to learn. The Amount of knowledge that exists in this world is infinite. Learn, live, love! So if you ask me what's my perspective of my own life right now, I would tell you, I'll go into the field of dentistry or maybe become an orthodontist. In the process of becoming one, I would expose myself to lots of activities, just live to the fullest. After I am able to support myself, I'm going to fall in love, start a family of my own. I will teach my children how to live. In the meantime, I will keep upgrading myself and travelling around. In conclusion, my everyday life perspective is to live my life to the fullest with lots of different type of new stuff. Do not afraid to explore new things. As the matter of fact, never be afraid of anything. Maybe it will turn out to be something good. And Eva Liew, if you are reading this right now. I asked the man,"how do you blend in with so many different types of people? You don't speak their language and they certainly don't speak yours." He said,"god is amazing. People are amazing too. Language is never a Barrier. It's you whose in the way. You've got to open up to all sorts of things. Sky is not your boundary. You're a doctor doesn't mean you stop learning. So if you ask me how did I blend in with people, always open yourself up. Adapt every single situation in life." I am so blessed to be able to meet this man. In such short period of time, he taught me a lot of stuff. About life. Thank you, whoever you are cause I didn't get your name before we leave. I hope I am able to help some amount of people who are confuse about Their lives through this post. Cause It sure as hell took me two years time to understand why am I doing what I'm doing right now. I have a goal now and I'm happy by living towards that goal. Xoxo. Junyi.=)

To be or not to be

It's really sad that you called not because of me and it's because of someone else. But then, who am I to you? So it's okay. I kinda got used to it. Shall really stop this one sided love. Cause it's getting really hopeless. We'll never be something more than what we are now. ��