Life. Simply too short.

Just a few hours ago, I received a shocking news which immediately stunted me into misbelief. Apart of me hopes it's some kinda jokes or some lame ass prank. It was not until I saw it with my own eyes. It was in the newspaper. Shockingly, I went into depression.
He was her brother. I used to talk to him. I actually know this person. Although we only met a few times. No doubt he is an amazing, great, caring person.
In just a split second, he went to a better place. I believe it was purely an accident, that he was driving at an accelerating speed and he didn't see that coming either.
This just really taught us a lesson that Life is really short and we have treasure every moment of it. I've heard a lot of news about people passing away this year. But this, touches me the most. I feel depress right now. Like something is bothering me. Well, it is bothering me. Like my heart is been weighed by a heavy object. Do you know that feeling? Yea. That feeling.
Grandpa, if you can hear me, please take good care of him up there. He was so young. Thank you grandpa. I miss you and will always love you. ="(.

The day you were born and the day your heart stops beating are in the hands of god. So live your life wisely. Before it's too late.
Junyi Teh

Bersih 3.0

Bersih 3.0 rally was yesterday. I did not participate in it though. BTW, this post is mostly about my OWN opinion. In case someone wants to sue me, I have human rights too. Go google human rights before taking any actions. I really don't get why the hell do the polices have to use the hard way to treat the people who participated in the rally. It's so stupid you know. They did not offend you at the first place and you go all hard-on-them. Watching malaysians who participated in the rally got caught hurts me. Some of them even got hit by the policemen. And why does there bomb that makes people cry being released? It only hurts people. The main purpose of all this Bersih rally thingy is so that there will be a clean election. That's all. Simply and easy. So just give the people what they want. No dirty lil movements behind malaysian's back. Take this another way round. Nobody likes to be backstab right? If you found out people backstabbing you, what will you do? For me, I'll definitely come straight front to the person and ask him the reason of all this. Simply rule of universe. You do good, people will support you. Even a three-year-old knows this. I'm not saying I'm supporting any of the groups or whatever they call it. Cause I obviously have zero idea about those stuff.(I don't read much newspaper.lol) I don't even know their full name. Plus, I'm not 21 yet. So no need to worry about that, yet. It's just that, we were supposed to be a family. A big one. 1 Malaysia. It is to let people come together as one. Don't try to destroy that. "It's all about fame and fortune". This is the world we live in right now. Cruel and selfish. They forgot what matters the most. Health and peaceful. So try thinking about it, do you still wanna live in a peaceful malaysia? I do. I love this country very much. Try to make a change. A good one where all the malaysians feel happy about it. ALL WE MALAYSIANS WANT IS TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT KEEPS ON IMPROVING TOWARDS 2020, AND WE FEEL HAPPY AND PROUD BEING A MALAYSIAN.

Depression

Have you ever feel really depress in every little things you do? Lately, I kinda did. I feel myself not up to my own standard yet. I know I can achieve the results I want if I really put my heart and soul in it. It's like, I don't see my own potential in A levels yet.It's not high school anymore. This, I fully understand. I wanna feel good about myself after every little test in class. I don't feel any for the science subjects at all. Just pure humiliation after every test. My classmates are like really good. I know, all they did was put a lot of time and soul in it. That's the problem. They have family here who take care them. I know. There's no one to blame except for myself. I just don't really like myself right now. The other thing was appearance. Plenty of pretty girls on the street and I'm not one of them. People say I'm just fine. That's because they are not the soul living in my body. I guess everyone feel this way huh? LOL. Okay. Different people have different perspective of pretty. I just feel ugly. Sometimes, I hate myself when I look at myself in the mirror. Is this a condition? Idk. I just hope that I'd change into a person I love seeing in the mirror. Not a person I feel like punching. And yea, it's a pretty depressing post.

The Hunger Games

The world has been talking about this movie non stop since the premiere. I believe everyone who'd watched the movie agrees with me. This movie is just pure genius. The cast portraited the movie professionally and the director told the story in his extraordinary way perfectly. The storyline is pretty easy to follow in the movie. For the past 73 years, the ruling powers of the 12-district nation of Panem have kept the citizens in line by hosting a nationally televised death match known as the Hunger Games. The rules are simple, a boy and girl between the ages of 12 and 18 from each district will compete in a nationally televised death match. The last one standing wins. Jennifer Lawrence portrays the protagonist Katniss Everdeen like nobody else would. She's perfect for the role. Peeta Mellark, played by Josh Hutcherson and Katniss find themselves in Panem’s ruling city, the Capitol for the annual Hunger Games after being choosen as tributes from their District, District 12. They trained together with the other 22 tributes from other district for 2 weeks. Once in the arena, the deaths come quickly and Katniss struggles to survive. The surviving skills Katniss has with her amazes me. Well, let's just say you have to be clever in order to survive in this cruel world. Overall, the movie is phenomenal. Movies like this actually teaches people something. Some people around the world are facing problems like this. They have to kill in order to survive. The killing in real life is not as easy as in the movies. You have to think of the consequences before you kill. It reflects your entire life. Once you start killing people, you can never stop. Just like Cato from district 2. Obscene, vulgar, and relentless, Cato used brute strength for almost everything and fought hard to win. He was a Career tribute and for all of his life, had trained for the Hunger Games. He killed 6 tributes in total. He was the last tribute to die in the 74th Hunger Games, being clawed to the point of near death by muttations that the Gamemakers created with the dead tributes' DNA, and finally being killed by a shot in the head with an arrow by Katniss as an act of pity. This Movie is definitely a talkabout. If you haven't seen it, don't hesitate to go to the cinema and get yourself a ticket.

Whether you like the book series or just action movies with a bit of science fiction, you’ll enjoy this movie.

Compression

Feelings towards a best friend of mine happened. Never in a million years will I thought of myself having feelings for him. Somehow, during one fine day, It just stroke me. I felt happy when I'm thinking about him. In a different way. In a way I never thought of him before.But, I realized something. There wil never be us. US will never happen in our world. Our world collides. It stopped at the siblings zone. That's all. Talking about this to my best friends is useless. So I only told one. The one who'll always keep my secret. I will try to reverse the way I felt about him. We are best friends and we will always be.="DSometimes, being me sucks a bit.

Post SPM result

Oh well, where to start? Mixed feelings surrounded me when I'm about to talk about yesterday. The day We receive our SPM results. I'm pretty sure I had nervous breakdown for at least 3 times.(Even got photographed by one of the reporters. LOL) As expected, I got 10As and 1B. In case anyone of you are wondering, It's chinese(B+). I was quite disappointed for not getting Straight As'. I was hoping miracles would happen. Guess it happened on the others and not on me. Anyways, I'm quite happy with my chinese result. B+ is considered excellent for me already. 我：老师，对不起。你的课目我没拿到A。 乡老师：哎呀，对不起什么啦。B+算很好了。我也没有预料到你可以拿B+。 She aimed B+ for my forecast. So, at least I hit her target huh? I'm not sad nor disappointed of my chinese result. I'm glad I took chinese. I've been learning chinese for 11 years. There's no reason not to take up chinese. Somemore, I was born a pure chinese.Wonder why I did not get A for chinese? Although I speak well in chinese, doesn't mean I write well. I'm disappointed on the fact there's no straight As' for the last government exam for me. I got all As for UPSR and PMR. Apart of me wants the last one(SPM) to be perfect also. Nah! I had to get this self-disappointment outta my head. For god sake's I got 10As' in my SPM which is not easy. A lot of hard work had to be paid off(especially I'm not a genius type student). A lot of money spent. A lot of sacrifices had been made. So for the sake of 10As', I'm gonna feel happy about myself and go celebrate. I'd enough self-disappointment and all this crap I've been feeling for the whole year. Plus, it's just temporary stuff. It won't stay with you forever. Success in life isn't on that piece of paper. SPM doesn't determine your future. Exam doesn't determine your success or failure in life. You determine the future of your life. For whoever who's not satisfied with your result, STOP IT. Time heals and life goes on. I really hope for the best for all of my friends in the future. No matter what your future is, remember, SPM doesn't determine your future. It's just a stepping stone towards your future. All the best in the future and may our paths meet again. P.S I think by writing this post, I got over my disappointment.=)

Congratulations to all AMCians!=D

Pre SPM result.

This is me, updating my blog a day before the result is out. I realise I always do that. Maybe blogging about it is way better than actually talking about it. Since I have nothing to do on the train other than admiring the beautiful scenery and listening to some amazingly relief music, I might just blog about it. Truth to be told, I may seem calm on the outside, but I'm seriously freaking out on the inside. It's like the result determine the path of my future. All my lecturers actually talk to us about SPM, on how it is so not important for those whose already gone through half of their 1 semester. But it actually matters to me. Pride. There. I hope to maintain my pride. And I hope to make my whole family proud. When they talk about me, they will be proud of me instead of shameful(Not like they feel shameful of having me before). I hope tomorrow will be a day I remember for the rest of my life. Just like 24/12/09. It's such wonderful day for me. Such an unforgettable day too. I wish to relive that moment again. So, fingers crossed for tomorrow alright. P.S This time, I wouldn't breakdown before the result's out. I learnt how to control myself throughout the years didn't I?=D

Nervousness

Truth to be told, I'm freaking out already! It's sunday and I'm already freaking out. Just like three years back then, I freaked out before my PMR result was out. Well, guess history seems to repeat all over again. SPM, It's kinda a certificate for completing my secondary education. I NEED IT TO BE PERFECT. Well I don't need it to be like Full A+. Straight As' for me is enough already. I kept thinking about the possibility I might get straight As' or the posibility I might fail to get Straight As'. All I hope for is the last certificate I get from the government(by far) will be perfect. Perfect for me. I'm doing everything I can just to get this nervousness out of my mind. Gah! Why am I so nervous? I sure as hell know I did my best right? Now all I have to do is pray. Pray for the best of all. Plus, I don't wanna let my grandpa down. Even if he's in heaven, I need to show him some beautiful results. To make him proud up there. I still miss him and I wanna make him extremely proud. Somehow, I just wish this will turn out right. SPM result will turn out how I want it to be. Fingers Crossed for this coming wednesday!=/

Another weekend spent at Subang Jaya

RealizeD I'm slowly getting used to/of everything around me now. I guess this is life. I have entered a new part of my life with new faces and new life experience. of course You'll always have the urge to go back to the past because the past has been so good and so easy. But you can't. The time has come and gone. So why not enjoy this new part of life of yours. It may turn out to be fun. When life gives you lemon, make lemonade. xoxo.=)

People I depend on at KL.=D These people are like my family in KL. Whenever I have problems, they were always there,giving me courage and helping me to stand up. A simple hug or a simple smile from them really makes me feel like home whenever I'm with them. I'm really blessed to have met such awesome, caring and fun people in life. During SAM FIESTA, you girls were there dancing with me like we've ran the world. I felt completely myself when I'm with you girls dancing on the dance floor. You girls didn't get embarassed with my high pitch voice or funny dance moves. You just go with the flow. That was the best night yet for me since the incident. I feel like posting this post randomly simply because I wanna show all of you how much I appreciate you girls. For what you've done to me throughout this short three months. Thank you and I love you girls!<3 When you found someone who treats you good, appreciate it. xoxo

Turning point.

Hmm. Where to start? My life has been better ever since I've moved. Now that my life is more stable, I got the effort to really get into revision mood. Finally understand what's the meaning of consistent studying. Gosh don't you just love when all you need to do is study and nothing else? Went to SAM fiesta yesterday. It has been my wildest night since that incident. I felt completely relief, high and awesome. I actually love me being that wild at that moment. Loose myself, loose my mind completely and not caring what other people think about me. It feels good. Call me a wild one. Cause I am a wild one. Oh! I met a hot guy tho. Not to say met, but sort of spotted a hot guy. Unluckily, I think he's kinda into my friend. Lol. Whatever the dut. There's this difference between a real crush and a fake crush. Fake crush is the person whom I'll always talk about. Real crush? Well, you wouldn't know I have a crush on that guy until I really show it.=D Truthfully saying, Who needs a guy to make you happy when you have such amazing people around you. All you need to do is just be yourself. Confidence too! It's a girl's best make up.=) Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Bloody world.

I just don't get this world. This world is getting worse and worse. How can there be so many bad guys out there and not get caught yet? Just found out not long ago that my ex deskmate(the lovely TJE) got snatched/robbed in IPOH. IPOH. A town I live in practically my whole life. I always thought of Ipoh as a save place. Guess not anymore. It's just that in Subang Jaya, it's twice the time worse that ipoh. I don't know about her condition yet. Just knew that she got hurt. Gah! What's seriously wrong with this world? Or should I say, what's wrong with us? Either we're not careful enought or we're going through this to pay our sin. I surely believe whatever we did in our past life affects our present. Now I know I'm not alone, truth to be told, I'm a lil worried, in the meantime relief. Worrying in the sense that this world is not the world I live in 10 years ago. Relief as in the sense that there's someone out there facing the same thing as I do. So I intend to help them. Just like how the others help me. I wanna help them go through what I'd gone thru. Sleepless night, afraid of walking alone anymore... Anything. I'll def help them. These snatches should just suffer in hell. Enough of them. For those who did bad in the presence, karma's a bitch. So I'm not worried.

New rental.

Looks like I found myself a room that I really love. I am never gonna stay at housing area ever(unless i'm married). I sacrificed my bag with lots of memories in it leaving in that shit. "Yea, serve you right Junyi, for not being extremly careful." As usual, my post will be as emo as the past few posts. I don't know when will I have the courage again to walk alone to college again. Been doing a lot of thinking lately. I heard someone whom I respect telling his daughter before his daughter board on plane to melborne to future her studies. He said:"Be good there. Study hard. Don't spend your future money." Suddenly something strikes me. It actually sounds meaningful. Why am I wasting my own future money now? I should've studied harder. Not go to college for the sake of going. About my future, I realize that It's because I'm afraid that I'll fail in dentistry so I'm constantly finding other jobs/coarses which are much easier compare to dentistry. Those coarses which I mentioned earlier are my interests. Interests and jobs sometimes just don't mix. I finally admit about this. So, I'm not gonna think of my future first. For now, I'm gonna fucking pass my A level with straight A's and in the meantime, keep my options open. 4As! That's my next goal!=) I might need some time to get over the snatching case. I realise that what's gone is gone. You can't have it back. Even my iPhone. I believe that there's something good out there waiting for me. I'll try my best to forget about what they did to me and my bag. I'll try to let go. (BTW, I SUCK AT LETTING GO). You can't deny that the last time I lost my camera, I took two months to get over it. Let time do the healing. Someday, I'll have all my things back. To all the snatches around the world or guys who intend to do bad stuff to the community, THINK FUCKING TWICE BEFORE YOU DO. YOU WON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IMPACT YOU'LL GIVE FOR ONE. SOME MIGHT EVEN DIE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID. PLUS, YOU'LL BE CAUGHT AND BE LOCKED UP FOREVER. THE SENTENCE WILL BE FOREVER. I HOPE YOU NOTICE THAT. YOU HAVE PERFECT ENERGY,BODY(YOU'RE NOT OKU ARE YOU?) TO WORK AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY. WHY CHOOSE THE BAD SIDE? MY KINDLY ADVICE TO YOU,STOP HARMING THE COMMUNITY. LET THE COMMUNITY LIVE IN PEACE. God please make the community a peaceful one.

Changes

Was just looking at my old phone(cause iPhone's been snatched). Realized that I've changed a lot. 3 years ago, I was not as complicated as now. It's just 3 years ago. What could've happen to me? For everyone can tell, I'm not as naive/childish as 3 years ago. Sometimes, I just wanna go back. I wish I'd never grow up you know. I wish I never come to KL to study. KL is just like any other city. The difference is KL is a larger city. I don't know how long can I survive in here. This place, it's just so strange for me. TOO STRANGE! After what the snatchers did to me, I don't know when will I walk out of the shadows of walking alone. I never walk alone anymore. I just to love walking alone, just like the movies. GAH! They kept appearing in my mind like non stop. Why can't they just go away?! I really hope they notice how much people they are harming and really just stop harming innocent people. With this kinda bad people in the world, this world will never be in peace. Talking about changes. Now that the area is not safe, looks like I need a new place to stay in. This is another changes I hate. Moving out of a comfortable environment to another strange place. How can I bear to adapt a place for so many times? I can't do it for that long. Please god, just make my life a lil bit comfortable, a lil bit of peaceful and a lil bit less worrying. I always thought I was the luckiest person alive. No worries. No need to worry about anything. But when I came to KL, everything becomes a worry to me. I wish someone will just be by my side and say everything's gonna be okay. I just miss my grandpa. I miss my whole family. I really don't feel like leaving them anymore. I just wanna be 17 forever. Never grow up. That's what I want now. Somebody, anybody. Make it come true. God knows that it's impossible. I have nothing to say no more. Tears in my face expressed everything I'm going through now.

Snatching case

If I could foresee my future. If I could prevent myself from getting harmed. If I have super power. So many If's. Yet, none has changed from If's to reality. Reality proves me wrong. Damn wrong. For all my life, I've been wanting to have a new life after high school. Now? Not sure I wanna continue or not. My bag's been snatched, on 12/02/2012. Don't worry. Nothing has happened to me. Just some external injuries. I've lost a lot. Not only my bag. That pack of money grandpa left for me? It's inside that bag too. If anyone would've known me very well, I'd curse them till death. But why curse? I can't change anything. If I'd never go to college this early,If I haven't take that route home, If I never bring my bag out, If I'd go home later... GAH! I felt so useless, helpless, and alone after that. I've lost my faith in people in this world. They don't know my pain inside. Everytime I close my eyes, flashes of images of me being robbed by those filthy Indian guys kept replaying none stop. I wish I could delete those bad memories. Sleepless nights are yet to come. I hope that god is always with me. My god is great. He'd sent my grandpa to the beautiful east heaven wherer there is no pain, just pure happiness. I just hope you'd take this bad memory away too. Reduce the pain I'm suffering right now. This world, It's wonderful, beautiful and awesome. But It's also a scary world where anything bad can happen to anyone.

True Friends like them.

When you found your true friends, it's really hard for you when both of you go separate ways. The thing I'm most afraid of is to lost contact with them. They have been in my life for 5 solid years. There are ups and downs in our friendships. But in the end, our friendships grew so much stronger. I'm realy glad I met them in my life. The best thing in my high school life will be them - The 3P7ians of '09. Nobody gets me as quickly as them. With one eye contact, we knew what each other are trying to tell us. Not long ago, Tracy lined me. She said her friends there are cool. But they are not like us. This is definitely true. Although I have my new classmates and all, I still find myself finding them more often. We clicked instantly although we didn't meet each other for months. I love them. For 5 more days, Fei's leaving. A sense of sadness kept rushing up my nose. Never knew when everybody tell each other's future during form 1, It'll arrive that quickly. I miss those time when we act completely silly and out of our minds. We always do crazy stuff like nobody's business. I hope that we won't loose contact at all. If we do, I'll be devastated but in the mean time, I'll also wish all of you luck in the future. May our paths meet again my friends!=D

Dreams come/don't come true?

How many of you are confuse in what are you gonna become in the future? How many of you have dreams but are afraid to pursue it? How many of you do not have dreams at all? How many of you are pursuing your dreams right now by doing jobs you truly like? Chances for the last questions are dime. Not saying that 7 billion people in this world don't get to pursue their dreams at all. I've been confuse by my own dream(or you can say job) since 17,since the day I told my parents I do not want to become a dentist anymore. The reason why is not because I do not like that job. I love that job. That job is what my parents are doing for one quater of their lives in order to support the family. This job literally save my whole family from financial problems and other stuff. I just don't have as much passion as them. PASSION. How many of you really have a clue what it is? Everybody knows the meaning of it. In fact, if you wanna know the true meaning, you can just google it and pages regarding meaning of passion will be just clicks away. For one to find their own passion and pursue it, this is hard. My parents found it, Xavier found it, Teacher Rosalina found it...and some other more. Their passion for their jobs is undescrible. But look at someone who actually hate their jobs and kept changing their jobs. It's because they haven't found their passion yet.(Personally opinion) Even if they did, reality says no. I'm just really sad when someone has to give up their passion because of reality. I had a talk with my mum about me studying film making. She said no to it. She said I'm still young and I don't really know what reality's like. She continued,"One day if you wake up and realize you have serious financial problem, you wouldn't want to pursue your dreams at all. All you wanna do is do jobs that earn a lot of money." I guess, I really do not have a clue about poverty. And then, one simple question hit me hard. She asked,"Junyi dear, why you keep changing what you wanna study?" I stunned there. Cause I really don't know why. I spend the whole night wondering and I slowly break down the courses/jobs I said before. For every dreams(or jobs), every courses I wanna study, it leads back to one course - Mass Communication. Mass Com includes all kinds of stuff. From public speaking to media planning to film studies, that's it! All the stuff I love to do. I used to tell my mum I wanna become an event manager. All sorts of events. Concerts, weddings,birthday bash,meetings,sports... All kind! And my dream hasn't change. Studying film making is just another bonus for me if I'm really studying Mass Com. But I think again, I need a strong base! So,I've come to a decision. I'm gonna study Nutrition and Dietician as my strong base.(In case I really don't survive in media world) YEAH! I'M GONNA WORK MY ASS ON A LEVELS AND PURSUE MY STUDIES IN NUTRITION AND DIETICIAN. IN THE MEAN TIME, I'M GONNA GET MYSELF INVOLVE IN THINGS I LOVE TO DO.=D I think I already have set my goals by writing this post.=D Fingers crossed for them to really come true.=/ Last question with an answer. Have anyone of you just wake up one morning and suddenly have a clue what are you gonna do in life and in the meantime, pursue your own dream? I HAVE!=D

Role Model

He is a guy whom when you see him, you just feel completely relief. Just by looking at his face, you'll eventually smile without yourself knowing. I knew him, not for long. As the matter of fact, not even for a year. I'm just glad I get to know this guy. Without him, I'll be such a confusion. I might not even be in college right now. I might not know the true meaning of life. He always say, GO LIVE YOUR LIFE, LIFE IS SHORT, ENJOY IT BEFORE IT'S OVER... He always save me from all my problems. He seldom says NO to anyone. Of course, don't think otherwise... He's def my role model in life. I just wanna express how bless am I to get to know this particular person. THANK YOU! FOR ALWAYS BE SUPPORTIVE, FOR ALWAYS HELPING EVERYONE AND FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND THE TRUE MEANING OF LIFE. XOXO

CNY

This Lunar Chinese New Year is very different compared to the past years.
After grandpa passed away, everything changes in this big family. The good thing is, it brought everyone closer than ever.
The bad thing is, watching grandma suffering from Parkinson disease just makes me cry sometimes. I hope she will be health. Just be health. As long as she's health, I don't mind if she doesn't remember me. Health, that's all I hope for her.
Of course, we did not get much angpao this year. But that's not the point. Angpao is just red pocket with money. There's just not much happiness in the family this year. The adults are constantly worrying about grandma. We, the teenagers kept our mouth shut and do our stuffs. Nobody dare to mention anything sad in front of them.
I just wish I'd have a Chinese new year just like last year, again. But god knows it's highly impossible.
Don't worry. I'm not sad. I chose to face the truth.